The English Version of it all

Hello Laura

I just called you from Ghana and all you could say is: call me someday during the daytime so its a bigger chance that I’m not drunk! I’ve never been so insulted in my life. Hmpf. I’m writing this directly to Laura cos she is the only one who has commented my blog (and also Jenny, and yes of course I remember you), and therefore I assume she is the only one reading this English version that I made just for the benefit of a few people.

But I guess its about time I write something here.

We have been here over 5 weeks and time is just flying by. I haven’t had an African overdose yet and I fear I never will have one. I think im not gonna want to go home at all this time…. Damnit. Its just because of one person though. If it wasn’t for him, Ghana would have driven me crazy long time ago.

Ok, things that could make me crazy about Ghana soon:

"apple apple apple apple"?!??!?! boys selling apples at every intersection. I am white, I know, but it doesn’t mean that I will by 5000 apples, a dog chain, flashlight, bathroom weight, brushes., shoes OR want the windows on Guros car cleaned (http://guros.weblogg.no) everytime im shit scared waiting for a green light in the maniac roads of Accra. Its enough to ask me once!!! I KNOW if I want to buy something…it’s the Ghanaians who do all the impulse shopping….

People driving with their high lights at night.

The dogs which go crazy every night.

Cocks in the morning.

People who think I cant stand and always have to offer me a chair cos I’m white.

People who never mean what they say, they just say what they think you want to hear (I’ll be there in 30 minutes, when they know that it will at least be 2 hours….).

Car mechanics people who think they are mechanics but they are really not. They just cut some wires here and there in the car so one day the windows cant close, the next the horn and radio don’t work, and the next something else electronic in the car doesn’t work.

Mosquitoes in your ear at night.

I guess that is all. Not so bad. We have water all the time, and its nothing like Tanzania so I cant use half the space in my blog to complain about it. We can take the car and go somewhere to eat when we get sick of our own creations in the kitchen; rice and sauce or pasta and sauce.

Today we spent the whole day in a clinic cos my boss has a quote "severe urinary tract infection". It took a few hours before her useless assistant realized that you cant just sit and wait here in Africa, you have to get up and complain to the right people (and maybe give them some cash), and then we waited maybe another hour before she could see the doctor who of course only tells you to go to the lab and do all kinds of tests. When we came back 2 hours later for the lab results, vero thought she heard a birth in progress and we were all very excited, waiting for the baby’s first scream or whatever, but it never came. More and more people went into the room where the noise came from and at least 3 chinese men were inside. To shorten the waiting, we started betting on what could be wrong with the woman inside. When guro finally came out from the doctor with her diagnosis, she could tell us that the screaming was because the Chinese woman denied intravenous treatment… so much for broken bones or baby on the way…

Another thing I should have added to the annoying list is all the men at parking lots who think they have to guide people out of there parking spaces no matter how simple it will be. When I backed out from the hospital not less than 3 men where blocking my rear window, trying to tell me to go back a little bit, then turn. But with all the people at all sides shouting "come come" and pointing and gesticulating, do they really expect that im supposed to SEE the car I almost hit cause they were all driving me crazy??? Idiots. So when we came back later, the guard guided me to a BIIIIIIG space at the end of the parking lot, faaaar away from all other cars I’d might almost hit on my way out… GRR.. I might not be the most stable driver, I let out my fears so my passengers might get a bit nervous, and changing lanes are not really my strong side, specially in a country where people would rather crash into you then let you pass in front of them. But I CAN drive…..

I guess this is enough bullshit for one night. I wanna sleep.

One month has passed. Time is flying by. At least I think so, I’m not sure if my two flatmates feel the same way though. The last days has been spent being sick, killing giant spiders (http://veros.weblogg.no) going to the beach, trying to get a parcel from DHL by visiting their office several times, trying to get a transfer of ownership form from the Drivers and Vehicles License Authorities office for the car Guro finally has bought and having a really cool surprise birthday party for our flatmate Joe, where we had drinks and snacks for 16 people to the price of 60 dollars… It’s the same amount one person would spend on a night out in Norway… The party was fun, lots of dancing by crazy Ghanaians, Veronica had forced dance lessons by Eddy and we have her on tape! Historic footage… J

Guro’s friends in Norway keep popping out babies while we can’t find a single to cuddle with, and we are almost desperate now. The streets outside are not really crowded but there are cute kids passing by who we easily can bribe with candy, but we want baby… yes we are sick in the head.

We are learning so much here. I thought I knew most of the Ghanaian secrets but no. Joe is a goldmine when it comes to advice and facts of life. Like one day when he was cooking lunch together with Guro….:

J: You have to remove the seeds.

G: Why?

J: Because it`s bad for your stomach.

G: Really?

J: Yes, it`s bad for your appendix.

G: Appendix??

J: Yes, and you know, it is seed we are talking about, and seeds grow. So if you eat the seeds in the tomatoes they will start to grow in your stomach. And we don`t want plants to grow inside of us.

G: Ok…

Or when he keeps warning us about the nearest shopkeeper, Mary, who is said to have chased away her husband trying to cut his private parts with a knife, and he never returned. She gave me food one day and 2 days later my stomach went crazy and Joe is certain that its Marys black magic. "She gave you food and you nearly died". He doesn’t want her coming to the house cos she will drop some of her magic at the gate and he will step in it and his feet will swell up… But we keep buying from her cos she is close to the house and she is nice. Maybe its just a mask she is hiding behind and she is really a witch trying to fool us, but ill take my chances.

He also is full of advice about love and relationship and has a lot to say about me and Eddy. First of all, he thinks im too much trouble, and Eddy is too soft on me. "You need iron hand…" whatever that means. I’m obviously not tamed enough and I don’t obey as I should. I asked Eddy his opinion and he seems satisfied with what he has so I wont worry myself.
Tonight we are finally gonna make fufu in the house. Joe is going to teach me and i look forward to it, though im scared he will break my fingers while he pounds the fufu.. This morning he woke me up early and we went to the market to buy cassava, plantain and chicken meat. We will boil the plantain and the cassava and then pound it in a big wooden....bowl with a huge...wooden pole, till it becomes dough and then eat it with pepper soup.. Plan is to make Eddy proud :) later.....

I can’t believe it. I was just writing a blog post and apologizing for not writing anything lately, explaining it with something always going wrong with the computer when I want to post something. Now I thought I had managed to write a long post without messing anything up. But of course I deleted the whole thing a soon as it was finished…. So now I lost all my inspiration and will just write another short post.

We just came back from my family in Kumasi. And as usual it was great. The welcome they always give me and whoever I bring with me to the house is overwhelming. And its always good to come there and hear people from all over calling my name and wishing me welcome home. The kids have grown but are still cute but a little bit crazy. My family is a bit crazy, in a good way, as Veronica said. But it’s the best family in Ghana I look at these people and I feel like a natural part of their family. And it feels good to have this home to come home to all the time. My mother cooked my favourite food, my father and brother couldn’t stop asking if Guro and Vero were feeling fine, the kids, specially the youngest boy, Kofi, won’t stop "entertaining" us. No one is ever gonna have a bad time in Mr. Boamah’s house (my dad..). Guro and Vero bribed the neighbourhood kids with tonnes of toffees, and we even got hold of a 5 months old baby, who saved the day for Veronica specially.

My writing is a chaos. Now we are back in Accra, Our roommate Joe picked us at the station and cooked us a delicious meal..and now we just sit around and wait for the power to go out because the water in the dam where Accra’s electricity supply comes from is low, and soon they’ll start rationing the electricity….. darkness from 6pm, here we come…